"She has speech but most of the time it's not understandable. Sometimes it's very clear - like when she yells at the barking dogs. I just don't understand that," Della Lawhorne says with a chuckle. "How she can appear to not know what's happening and the next thing she is perfectly clear. But, I take the magic moments where they happen."
Della Lawhorne is talking about the magic moments she waits
for, and savors, when her mother Bertha displays some awareness and
coherence. It has been almost 10 years of waiting for such moments for Della
and her family. Her mother, now 89, was living in upstate New
York when she began showing signs of the Alzheimer and Parkinson's diseases
which have since steadily taken a toll on her body and mind.
"One of my brothers was trying to care for her but couldn't. I had just quit my job at the Navy Exchange and so I brought her to live with us. We need to do everything for her. It's rough. There is no sugarcoating it. It does not get any easier. But, just by doing things I've learned how to do them simpler," Della said.
Her family has also been very supportive, she said. Her seven siblings call regularly, some send money to assist with expenses, and one of her sisters comes to visit for three weeks every year to give Della, and her husband Thaddeus, the chance to do other things. One of her daughters lives two doors away and comes over every morning to help bathe and dress her grandmother before going to work. She also spends Sunday sitting with her while Della goes to church.
"I have a husband who is great. We have had to give up our life to care for her but I think about the times I was totally helpless and she cared for me. We were also the best of friends. She was a great cook and I miss not being able to do that with her and ask her about some ingredient. For some reason I have been the chosen vessel to do this. I have my down days when I wonder `Why me?' and think no one cares. I rely on my faith to help me through," she said.
She has also relied on the services of Share The Care™, Inc.
"On my mother's good days, when she's able to move around, I take her to day care in Oviedo. We also have a lady (a companion from Share the Care) come in for three hours each week while I run errands. Everyone I've encountered there has been so nice and helpful. I can't begin to say what they mean to me, especially during the really hard times in the beginning, to just leave her and know she would be taken care of."
However, leaving her mother to be cared for by strangers was not without its share of pain. "The first day I took her to day care it was like taking my child to kindergarten. I cried and cried and called every 10 minutes. But, everyone was just very caring. Finding Share the Care™ was the best thing to happen," she added.
From Della Lawhorne
25 March 2002
To Whom It May Concern:
My name is Della Lawhorne, and I am the caregiver for my mother who has Alzheimer's and Parkinson's. I have been caring for mom seven years.
Like most caregivers, when we're faced with the dilemma of caring for our loved one, we think we can do it alone. Quickly, I found out that I couldn't even with the help of my daughter, granddaughter and husband, the majority of the care was on me. After making a few calls, I was directed to the Alzheimer's Respite Center.
I must say I was apprehensive about leaving mom with strangers. After a while, I realized that that was the best move I have ever made.
I found that the people who operate the Share the Care Center are not only professional and knowledgeable about their jobs, but they are also very caring and compassionate people, beginning with the administrative staff, the professional caregivers and also the volunteers. They have all made me feel very comfortable in leaving mom at the respite centers. I really don't know how I would have managed otherwise, and I never hesitate to recommend the center to anyone whom may benefit from it.
I just wanted to say that if all the staff members that worked at the respite centers worked at the nursing homes, I don't think there would be half the problems. May God bless each and every one of you for the care you have given mom, and the care I know you will continue to give her.
Sincerely,
O.D. Lawhorne
Our Mission:
Share the Care™ is a non-profit agency providing services and support to family
caregivers, enabling them to maintain their family member at home and delay
or eliminate the need for institutional care.
If you are a family caregiver who lives in Orange or Seminole County, Florida, we invite you to email or call us to learn how we can help you.
©2011 Share the Care™ Inc.
